Hare Vs Hare (One Shot)
by 7lights13darknesses
Summary: Bertha challenges Warren to a race after an argument. Without thinking he agrees and now has to beat her in a race across town. Will he win or will Bertha Beat him by a mile? A sort of parody to 'Tortoise and The Hare".


**One-shot I came up with. I thought of doing a Tortise and the Hare story and thought, why not do it with the rabbits. Hope you enjoy.**

 **Warren: The author does not own the Loud House.**

 **Hey Warren nice to meet you.**

 **Warren: Same here. So how are you going to do this with so many characters?**

 **Well the story focuses more on you and Bertha. Apparently Bailey is the counterpart of Lynn but Bertha was the one named in the episode so I'm going with her. So it won't be that much of a problem.**

 **Warren: True. Enjoy the story.**

Warren Loud was walking down the hallway from his room to get a snack. Some of his dads homegrown carrots sounded really good. It was surprisingly quiet as well. With having twenty-five sisters that was a rare thing. He got to the fridge and got a couple of carrots running into Brie, the chef of the family.

"Hey Warren. Eating some carrots I see. Hope you left some cause I need them for lunch today." She said.

"Yep and there good as always. Anything going on today?" He asked.

"Not that I know of. Surprisingly enough it's I haven't heard anything interesting today." She said thinking.

"Yeah. It's been relaxing so far."

"Don't jinx yourself bro." Bernice said walking in. "With that thinking something bad is bound to happen."

"Bernice how long do I have to tell you that just because its happened a few times that just because you say something like that doesn't means you 'jinxed' yourself?" Warren asked.

"A few times? Try every plan you come up with." She countered.

"Name three." Warren tried.

"That time with the wolves, when you, Beulah, and Bernadette, **(Lana and Lola counterparts respectively.)** got lost in the woods, the time you tried to impress that girl, and for extra measure the 'amusement park' incident." Warren shivered at the last one.

"Okay one, we agreed to not mention that again, two, those first two weren't completely my fault, and three, the Stella incident was because of you guys. FYI the rabbits foot didn't help."

"Even then you don't seem to have the best of luck."

"Oh yeah. Well today I'll show you. Nothing bad will happen. It will be a normal boring day." He said walking back up the stairs.

"Five bucks something will happen in the next ten minutes. Will have Beatrice keep time." **(Lisa's counterpart)** Said sister was one the couch watching a documentary. Warren stopped in his tracks when he heard that.

"While I usually don't care about your ridiculous squabble but I'm curious to see how this turn outs." She said pulling out a stop watch and starting it.

" Alright your on. I'll just spend the next ten minutes and more reading Ace Bunny comics in my room. I'll take that five bucks now if you have it.." He said shaking her hand.

"Just wait. Knowing this family something will happen." Bernice smirked.

"Yeah right." Warren said going back up the stairs. Just then Bertha ran in through the front door with a football.

"Coming through!" She yelled jumping over Beatrice. "Warren catch!" She yelled. Warren, who was at the top of the stairs, yelped not prepared. He ducked just barley dodging the ball.

"Bertha! Next time more of a warning!" He yelled. What he didn't know was that the football was ricocheting across the hall. The next thing he knew something hit him in the back in the head knocking him down the stairs. The ball bounced off his head getting ahead of him falling on the ground before him. When he fell he hit the ball head first. There was a loud pop alerting the rest of the sisters in the house.

"Warren!" They all yell.

"My football!" Bertha said looking at the now flat ball. Warrens teeth hit the ball popping it.

"Really Bertha?! That is what your worried about? Warren could be injured! He could have a broken arm, leg, rib cage, be in a coma, the very least a concussion! He could get amnesia from a fall like that!" Brooke said shaking her sister with all her might.

"He could what?" The sisters yelled. They all looked at their brother waiting for something. Warren the moaned before slowly getting up.

"Are you okay Warren? How are your vitals, how many fingers am I holding, does anything hurt?"

"I'm fine Brooke. Just a little sore."

"Ah good."

"Well then since your okay I think you owe me five dollars." Bernice said with a smirk.

"Wait a minute. Beatrice how much time passed?" 

"After you fell it hadn't even reached the five minutes. Very interesting. I may need to do study on this." She said. "This theory is not as prostitution as I thought." Warren, his ears down in defeat, then handed Bernice a five dollar bill he had on him. 

"Bertha how many times do I have to tell you to stop throwing footballs in the house?" Betty asked angered. It was hard trying to keep everyone in this family in control.

"Okay I'm sorry. I was in the moment."

"I know what that's like dude." Bohdi said. Barbra **(Luna's counterpart)** nodded in agreement as well.

"I'm just glad our brother didn't come to any bad demise." Bella said. **(Lucy's counterpart.)** The others agreed before going off to their own things again. Bertha and Warren were the only ones left.

"So you'll be getting me a new ball right?"

"WHAT?! I just fell down the stairs because of the last one. Why in the whole forest would I get you a knew one?" Warren asked slightly annoyed.

"Well duh. Your the one that popped it dingus. And that was my last one."

"I swear you've been hanging around Bailey too much."

"I heard that!" Said sister yelled from upstairs.

"Oh come on Warren. It was accident." Bertha said as he started to walk up the stairs again. "Besides if you were actually more athletic this wouldn't be a problem." When she said that Warren stopped right in his tracks.

"What did you say?" He asked sounded mad.

"I said if you could actually play then this wouldn't be a problem. I dare you to prove me wrong." Bertha challenged.

"Oh is that how it is? Fine. Then I challenge you to a race. If I win I don't have to buy you a new football. If you win then I will get you one."

"Hmmmm...You also have to be my training partner for a week." She added.

"Only if you...stop playing sports in the house." Warren countered. What they hadn't noticed was that by now all the sisters were back in watching them argue.

"No offense Lincoln but I don't think you'll be able to win." Beulah said.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Beulah." He said sarcastically.

"Hey guys look at this painting a just drew. Its called "Battle Between Brother and Sister number...actually I've lost track of how many brother vs sister ones I have." Bianca said.

"So what are the rules for the race?" Warren asked.

"From the house to the edge of the forest and back. Get there however you can but you cant use vehicles. First one back wins."

"Its on." Warren said him and Bertha shaking paws.

"Meet me outside in five minutes." Bertha said walking out to warm up.

"The other sisters stared at Warren but instead of the calm look he had a few seconds ago he looked like he was about to faint.

"What did I get myself into?" He asked to no one specifically.

"Uh, you got yourself into a race against Bertha." Blair **(Leni's counterpart)** said.

"Don't worry Warren. All you have to do his beat the second fastest sister in the whole family." Beverly said trying to cheer him up.

"Yeah. I bet this will end really FAST." Bebe said. **(Luan's counterpart)**

"Not the time Bebe." Warren said while everyone else groaned.

"Well I didn't plan on watching a race today but why not." Bethany said. Looking through her check list.

"Alright Warren so whats the game plan?" Bailey asked.

"Ummm...Not to loose?" He said not really sure.

"Okay good good like the spirit. But you need more than that."

"Well sorry if I don't have enough time to really do anything. In fact I should probably be heading outside." There was no objection as the sisters all followed Warren outside but one.

*Snore Snore* "W-What happened?" Beth asked you had dozed of again. "Hey guys wait for me!" She yelled running out side.

Outside the family was watching as Warren and Bertha warmed up. (Bailey helping Warren since he didn't know many stretches.)

"Hope your ready to loose." Bertha said mockingly. Warren just gulped still very nervous.

"Don't worry Warren. I'm voting for you." Bella said. Then Warren's phone went off and showed that he had a text from Bridget.

"Me too." The text said.

"Awwww. Thanks Belle. Thank you Bridget." He tested back.

"The odds of him winning is eleven-thousand to one." Beatrice said.

"Oh come on Beatrice. Just watch. I'm actually thinking Warren will win." Beverly said.

"Oh no. Bertha his going to win hands down." Bernadette said.

"Yeah mate. No offense to our bro but he doesn't stand much of a chance." Bippa said in her British accent.

"I'm right here you know." Warren said.

"Yeah we know." Blanch said before sneezing. "Sorry." She said.

"You ready Warren?" Bailey asked.

"As much as I can be."

"Go Warren! Go Bertha!" Brandy said. "I can't decide who to vote for so I'm cheering for both." She explained.

"Your going down Warren." Bertha smirked as they lined up. "You might as well be running to the store."

"We shall see about that." Warren said his annoyance taking over nerves. Beth then walked in front of them holding a flag.

"On your mark...get set..." But before she could say go she fell asleep snoring again. Warren and Bertha looked at each other not sure what to do.

*sigh* Bailey sighed as she walked up to the sleeping sister. She took the flag with no struggle. She turned to the two racers waving the flag. "GO!" She yelled. Just like that Warren and Bertha were off. Bertha got a huge head start leaving Warren in the dust.

"Come on Warren. You are a rabbit. One of the fastest creatures in the woods." Warren said to himself trying to get motivated. Bertha was still in sight but was quickly gaining speed. He tried to get a little faster but was already at his limit. Which he knew was not good. Both quickly made it to the main part of town which seemed to be very busy today.

"Dang it. How am I going to catch up with this crowd?" Warren asked as he got closer. When he did get there he saw Bertha was having trouble in the crowd. She kept running into someone and couldn't find openings. 'There's got to be a way around this crowd.' He thought. If he could he could use this to his advantage.

Just then a rabbit came with a wagon full of cabbages. He put it next to a building at the edge. A light went off in Warren's head. He ran to the wagon climbing the pile not realizing that his weight was knocking some of them over. He reached the top and jumped up to the top of the roof. When he did it caused the whole pile of cabbages to fall over to the ground.

"My cabbages!" The older rabbit said falling to his knees. He frantically started to pick them up hoping they were still okay.

"Sorry." Warren said as he started to run off. He then started to jump from roof top to roof top. "I'm so glad these building are so close to each other and more or less the same size." Warren said. He looked down at the crowd an saw Bertha still trying to get through. She was making progress quickly though so he had to hurry. He got to the building where the crowd pretty much ended. Which also happen to an alleyway. He looked down and saw that the fall wasn't far. He looked to see if there was anything to land on to be safe when he noticed a ladder.

"Well that's convenient." He thought as he climbed down. He quickly ran back into the street not bothering to check if Bertha was behind. He had a feeling she was.

Bertha just got out of the crowd going so fast that she kept running into everyone. "Warren must be so behind." She said to herself. If she had that much trouble she could only imagine how hard it was for hi-

"What?! no way!" Bertha said. She was hopping she was wrong but not far in the distance she saw...Warren! "How did he get in front of me?" She asked. She quickly started running to catch up with him.

Warren was still ahead but running out of breath. He had to keep his pace if he wanted to stay ahead. With any luck Bertha didn't see him ahead and would have no reason to hurry.

"Hey Warren!" A voice said behind him. "Bye Warren." The same voice said who of course was Bertha as she ran passed him.

"Grrrrr." Warren growled between his teeth. Of course she saw him. Bertha was apparently done going easy too because she was going faster than before quickly leaving Warren's sight as she went over a hill. The edge wasn't that far away from town so he knew she was going to on her way back pretty soon. He was contemplating if he should even keep going, or go back home and count his money. "Footballs aren't that expensive are they?" He asked himself. He was so lost in thought he didn't see someone on a skateboard rolling towards him.

 **(With Bertha)**

"This is too easy." Bertha said. She was running like no tomorrow but decided to slow down a little to safe energy. "Nothing can stop me now. I'm so far ahead I could jog the rest of this. Just then someone passed by on a skateboard coming from the opposite direction. She barley had time to get out of the way from what would have been a really bad crash.

"Hey watch where your going!" She yelled. The stranger didn't seem to hear her has she kept skating off.

"Whatever Bertha said has she brushed herself off. She looked up and saw that the edge of the forest was within site. Then something else caught her eye. It was her favorite restaurant right across the street. They have the best spicy carrot sandwiches. She walked to the restaurant not hearing the crash in the distance. She saw a two for one deal on sandwiches and knew she had to get something.

"I got time. Warren is so slow that even if he got ahead she could easily get back ahead.

 **(Back with Warren)**

"Owww." Warren said has he shook his head.

"You okay Warren?" A familiar voice asked.

"Lincoln looked up to see a rabbit girl about his age with an orange top and brown fur.

"Belle! Yeah I'm fine. Are you?" After the whole incident when they met Warren was able to explain himself when they found out they are in the same class. After that Belle and him started hanging out more and found out they have a lot in common.

"Yep. So what are you doing. I just passed by one of your sisters and now crash into you. Sorry about that."

"It's fine. Long story short Bertha and I are having a race to settle an argument. Obviously I'm loosing.

"Can't say I'm surprised. Although I seem to be the one stopping you right now." Bella said feeling a little guilty. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No not that I can th-" But Warren stopped mid-sentence when he saw Belle's skateboard. "Actually there is one thing."

 **(Bertha)**

Bertha sat at the table next to the window so if Warren happened to pass by she would know. Bertha was watching the window when the waiter came with her food. 

"Two extra-spicy carrot subs?" He asked. Bertha turned her head and told him it was her order. As soon as she turned her head Warren passed by on top of a skateboard going fast enough Bertha may not have realized it was him even if she was looking.

"Thank you." She said has she started eating and looking out the window again.

 **(Warren)**

"Where did Bertha go? He asked. He just got to the edge of the forest and was about to turn around. He thought by know that Bertha would be on her way back and they would pass by each other. "Weird. But on the bright side I might win." He thought. He turned around on the skateboard Bonnie gave him and picked his speed back up not wanting to chance anything.

 **(Bertha)**

Bertha just finished her second sub patting her stomach. "That was delicious." She sighed. "Although now that I think about it I could of used that money to by a new football." Before she could think any further about it her stomach growled. And not because she was hungry.

"Oh no. Gotta go!" She yelled running or the bathroom. Just as she did Warren passed by again.

 **(Warren)**

Warren was almost at the town again which was still very crowded. 'Dang it. I didn't think about the crowd.' He thought. He was going to fast to stop.

"Look out!" He yelled has he went around some kids. He barley missed them and instead was rolling towards the wagon with the cabbages from before. The man that brought them looked panicked but wasn't able to do anything. Warren went up the ramp that was at such a steep incline he went straight through the cabbages and went soaring in the air.

"My cabbages!" The man cried again.

"Sorry again!" Warren called. He then looked back to see he was flying above the crowds and to the other side of town. "I feel like this wouldn't be possible but I'll go with it." Warren said right before he landed. When he did the skateboard somehow stayed in one piece...but that didn't stop Warren from falling off the skateboard.

"Ahhhhh!" He cried rolling on the hill. He then stopped right next to Belle who was waiting for him.

"Hey Warren. That was quiet a jump. Your going to have to show me how to do that. I haven't seen Bertha so can I have my skateboard back?"

"Sure thing Bllee." Warren said just as the skateboard rolled next to him. "I think I can do the rest on foot.

"Thanks. Good luck." She said going to wherever she was going.

 **(Bertha)**

Bertha just got out of the bathroom feeling much better. She looked out the window and still didn't see Warren.

"Man he is really slow." She said until a thought hit her. 'I was in the bathroom for about five minutes.' She thought. "Oh man Warren must already be on his way back!" She said running out the restaurant.

"He can't be to far. Unless he got a skateboard or something." She said to herself. She got to the town in record time and saw that it was still crowded. 'Lets hope he is still here.'

Bertha tried to go through any opening she could find jumping over small kids and going around people's legs. She was running so fast that she kicked a rock hard enough it was like a speeding bullet! She was able to watch it fly and then hit a pile of cabbages in a wagon causing them to fall down. Unknown to her for the third time.

"That's it. I give up!" The man said crying.

'What was that about?' Bertha thought. She got through the rest of the town with ease and saw to her horror...

"How did he get so far ahead?!" She yelled seeing Warren almost at the house. She started getting into high gear running even faster with all of the adrenaline she had.

"Warren Loud you will not win!" She yelled loud enough he could her.

"Great. Now she's angry." Warren deadpanned. "I should have seen that coming." He tried to pick up a little speed hoping that he still had the advantage. Next thing he knew Bertha was right next to him!

"Wh-How!" He asked.

"I have my ways." She said. But she sounded like she was running out of breath.

"You sound like your at your limit." Warren said with a smirk. He was sure that by now Bertha would have passed him if she wanted to.

"You can't prove anything!" She replied. Obviously annoyed. The two kept running neck and neck neither giving the other a chance to get the lead. They both stopped talking to save energy.

At the finish line the rest of the sisters are waiting for the two to show up.

"I would of thought Bertha would be back by now." Brooke said. "What if she got lost? What if Warren got lost, or injured, or injured and lost! Guys we need to go find them!" She said panicking.

"Brooke calm down! We'll wait a little longer. If neither one shows up we'll start some search parties." Betty said trying to take control of the situation.

"Guys I think I see Warren! In first place!" Bailey, who was the lookout, said. "Bertha just came from over the hill and she looks angry." 

"Warren Loud you will not win!" They heard Bertha yell. They saw her catch up to Warren and the two were now neck and neck.

"Bianca we are going to need a photo finish." Bailey said. She could tell this was going to be close.

"Coming right up!" Bianca said getting her supplies.

"Go Warren!" "Go Bertha!" They said have of them voting for Warren and the other half voting for Bertha. Only one was voting for both.

Bertha and Warren were almost at the house and both got the same idea to leap for the finish line. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as Bianca started her painting and the two landed on the ground. There was a thump and the two crossed the line.

"Oh yeah. I win! Time to get that football Warren.

"No I clearly won!" Warren said.

"Well your both right and wrong." Bianca said. According to this photo finish, which I call 'Hare vs Hare', you two tied!"

"Tied!" They both yelled.

"The painting doesn't lie."

"We can't have a tie. We have to find out who wins the bet." Bertha said.

"Not that I care but why not just put it to a vote?" Brenda said.

"Good idea Brenda." Betty said. Obviously Warren and and Bertha can't vote for themselves, and since you made the painting you can't vote either Bianca. That leaves the rest of us. All those for Bertha raise your paw." Betty counted ten and then herself. Alright. And who all votes for Warren?" She counted again and counted elven.

"Are you kidding me? It's a tie between. Elven to elven."

"Wait that can't be right." Beatrice said. "If elven voted for each that makes twenty-two and Warren, Bertha, and Bianca make twenty-five. Which means someone didn't vote." She summarized.

"Well who was it?" Betty asked.

"What did you say Betty?" Brandy asked. "Sorry saw something shining in the ground. It was just plastic though." She said disappointed.

"Brady did you vote for the winner?" Betty asked.

"Ummm...no. Who won?" She asked. "I was voting for both."

"Good, that means it wont be biased. Well right now it's a tie. Both for finishing and votes. We need a tie breaker. So who do you think won?"

"Ummm...gee I don't know. Do you have a picture?" Bianca showed her the photo finish.

"Yeah but its a tie like Betty said.

"Hmmmm. Well If I have to pick one then I think...Warren won."

"I demand a recount!" Bertha said.

"Nope. Warren won fair and square." Betty said. 

"Warren! Warren!" The others said. Even those who voted for Bertha. They picked him up and carried him into the house.

Warren looked back at Bertha and saw how upset she was.

 **(Bertha)**

Bertha was in her room bored out of her mind. It was too late to play outside and since she lost the bet she couldn't do much inside. Right now she was just throwing a ball up and down catching it.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door that scared her causing the ball to hit her on the head.

"Who is it?" She asked barely speaking.

"Its me." Came Warren's voice.

"What do you want?" She asked as Warren took that to come in. He opened door and closed it behind him so they had some privacy.

"Hey. I wanted to say good job on the race."

"Thanks. If that's all then there's the door." Bertha was clearly upset that she lost.

"I-I also wanted to say that I'm sorry. You should have."

"What do you mean?" She asked confused.

"Well it wasn't technically cheating but I did use a skateboard to get through most of the course. How else do you think I got so fast?"

"Normally I would be mad. But I said to do whatever it takes." Bertha said realization coming to her. "Plus you may of won without it." Now it was Warrens turn to be confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"The reason you never saw me, which I'm guessing you've been wondering about, is because I stopped at my favorite restaurant and at two spicy carrot sandwiches." She chuckled. "I thought I was further ahead. And then you got a skateboard. Where did you get that from anyway?" 

"A friend let me borrow it."

"It didn't happen to be a girlfriend did?" She said with a smirk.

"Yes-I mean no. It was a friend that is a girl."

"So your girlfriend." She said again.

"Back on topic. I wanted to say that I think we should change the terms of our agreement."

"What now."

"I want to make change the rules to the bet."

"Change them how?"

"You can play sports in the house."

"YES!"

"But, you cant throw anything at anyone not playing, not throw at any one at the stairs, I added that one, don't break anything, and clean any mess you make while playing. Those are Betty's terms and conditions."

"Why did you do that? I mean I thought you didn't want me doing sports in the house?"

"Well that was more Betty. Just be more careful and I think everyone else will be okay with it too. And don't forget you always have Bailey."

"Thanks bro." She said hugging Warren. "SO you want to play some catch?"

"Why not?" Warren replayed. Bertha grabbed the ball she was using as the two went into the hallway to play.

 **Finally finished. I had hoped to have this done sooner. But I kept getting distracted during break and then when I was going to finish it I couldn't find the flash drive...so I didn't write for a while.**

 **If your wondering all the names for the sisters are the actual names. I looked them up and found out some of the others personalities. Like Brooke who worries over the littlest of things or Beverly being distracted by shiny things. Some even each have a trait that goes with the human sisters. Like Betty and Bridget both being parts of Lori or Barbara, Bodhi, and Bippa each are some characteristic of Luna. And yes Belle is Stelle's counterpart. I just gave her a name that started with a B cause why not. Originally it was going to be Ronnie but decided to change that.**

 **I hope to have the next chapter of Mimickers up soon. And then I'll be working on Triplets. And I know this is late but happy holidays and new year.**

 **Warren:Hope you enjoyed the story.**


End file.
